Why I Don’t Use Labels Like “Toxic,” “Narcissist,” or Even “The Patriarchy”

We live in a culture that thrives on labeling. Toxic. Narcissist. Patriarchy. These terms flood our social feeds and seep into our everyday conversations. And while they may offer temporary clarity or validation, they often come at a cost we don’t immediately see:

They lock us into blame. They reinforce separation. They keep us from our own growth.

Here’s why I’ve chosen to step away from these labels—and why I believe it’s a powerful shift for anyone on a path of healing or leadership.

Labels Limit Us

When we label someone or something as “toxic,” we subtly (or not-so-subtly) cast ourselves as the victim. The same goes for terms like “narcissist” or “patriarchy”—we create a dynamic where the other person or system holds the power, and we are simply reacting to it.

It may feel righteous. It may feel protective. But it’s also disempowering.

Because the moment we label, we “other.” We divide people into “good” and “bad.” We stop seeing the human beneath the behavior.

Every Person Is Born Whole

I believe that at our core, every human being is born inherently good, divine, and made of love. Life circumstances, trauma, unmet needs, and systemic conditioning shape the behaviors we come to know as defensive, harmful, or even abusive. But if we stop there—if we define people by those behaviors—we cut off the possibility of understanding. Of transformation. Of compassion.

This doesn’t mean we excuse harmful actions. But it does mean we can hold complexity.

Radical Responsibility Over Easy Escapes

The deeper work is not about changing others—it’s about noticing why someone triggers us, why we feel powerless, why we need the label to feel safe.

Taking radical responsibility is hard. It requires us to look inward, to own our boundaries, to sit with discomfort without needing the world around us to shift first. But it’s the only path that leads to freedom.

We stop asking the world to be different so we can feel better. We start becoming different, so the world no longer defines how we feel.

The Invitation

Let’s stop labeling and start leading—from the inside out.

This is the invitation of conscious leadership, of inner evolution. To refuse the easy narratives. To lean into nuance. To do the inner work instead of external blame.

Because when we shift our internal world, the outer world starts to respond in kind.

And that’s the kind of transformation we all came here for.